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BY DR. MICHAEL KRYCHMAN
Adapted from The Sexual Spark by Michael Krychman and Alyssa Dweck
We have been cooped up for over a year now with our partners, so it’s not surprising that bedroom boredom has become an all-too-common sexual complaint. This Independence Day, reignite the sexual spark, especially for long-term relationships! Since we constantly relate to our smart watches, iPhone, laptop computers, constant social media, we have evolved into a sexually dissatisfied and disconnected community.
Sexual boredom can be overcome with some easy “sexercises” to reclaim your sexual spark and rekindle the passion. It’s time to revitalize your love life by rediscovering and recharging your sex life and sexual desire ... a real fireworks display for this 4th of July (fourth of July). Hookup and party like it's new year's eve!
Create a seductive, sensual Place for your fireworks show!
Sex needs a seduction and a sensual place to smolder. Is your bedroom décor boring or sexually spicy? Is it a place of chaos and frustration? Are their pictures of your kids or grandchildren? We can feel sensual colors. Is your room dark, dingy or light bright and airy? What about the smell? Does your room smell like a dirty sweat sock or an inviting place for sexual intimacy? Plan a bedroom makeover to transform the room into a den of sexual excitement. Declutter and put a ban on bedroom electronics. Cover that television and create a sex drawer. Explore a sexual accessory shop and enhance your sexual pleasure with a variety of new products like lubes and sex toys). Remove all picture frames of children or grandchildren. Scented aromatherapy candle can be sensual and exciting! A new music will become your new sex tape! Try something that is calming yet exciting. Be creative and work together with your partner to transform the dull into exhilaration of masturbation, orgasm and ejaculation ... perfect also for a quickie.
Spice it up!
Fan the fire so that the smoldering creates a raging inferno between the sheets! Plan a romantic dinner, write a love note, sext a provocative proposal, try a new lube, a c-ring or send an erotic selfie. Wake up to sweet nothings being whispered in your lover’s ear or hide a pair of boxers or briefs in her purse! A favorite is a bubble bath decked out with chocolate covered strawberries, romantic music and a favorite bottle of wine or champagne.
Plan a Staycation
With travel restrictions and partial recovery from the pandemic, we are not travelling for our preplanned romantic get-away as often as we used to. Plan a staycation where you will have a vacation spent at your own home rediscovering and enjoying your “castle” with your partner. Take advantage of accessibility with a few days of rest and relaxation to decompress and reconnect intimately.
Try to turn your home into a boutique hotel: start with new crisp, white linens, and a neatly folded inviting duvet, with lots of pillows. Upgrade to plush white terry robes and silky sexy lingerie. Create an area like a mini bar with seductive snacks like chocolate covered fruit, nuts and champagne. Your favorite take-out is transformed into room service. Cuddle by the fire, or lounge in the bathtub even if it is summertime and get sweltering hot! Be sure to become disconnected and unplugged. Ban on your phones and chronically checking email. To really decompress, consider sending the children and any pets on their own staycation with grandparents or friends.
Take a walk on the wild side
Sex can become predictable and routine. Sometimes taking a hot shower then putting on your lucky boxer shorts and turning off the late-night television may be the indicator that romance is about to percolate. Predictability causes boredom and can easily fall into a sexual RUT (Routine, Unimaginative and Tiresome). Couples may rush foreplay, have a short and inadequate arousal phase and the sex itself can become hurried, dull and unsatisfying. Consider taking a walk on the wild side and include a wide range of activities with varying degrees of risk, taboo and seduction. Everyone’s wild side is unique and different. Try a new lube or arousal gel. Consider a game of strip poker, spicing up your sexual position, or incorporating vibrators. A new sex toys will always excite you. Some of the more daring or adventurous may opt to consider joining the mile-high club, threesomes, watching erotic movies, or exploring sexual fantasies such as BDSM (bondage and discipline, sadism and masochism). There are no rules, and it really is anything goes.
Other common suggestions to add a little zing into your sex life include a sexual relocation program (switch time and location of sex!). Challenge your partner to a hot game of strip poker or truth or dare. Try a high tech sexual vibrator! Visit a virtual novelty store, purchase then play with some props. Blindfolds, feather ticklers, and silk ties as handcuffs are a good start. Do not forget erotic clothing too! While this may not be your cup of tea, make no mistake, men and women from all walks of life, all ages, religious backgrounds and religions – ALL indulge. Sexual excitement and novelty will change your hormones! Dopamine and norepinephrine, both neurotransmitters in the brain, are both increased with sexual dynamism which not only enhance the sexual response but can also lead to increased feelings of closeness. Novelty not only helps build the excitement between the couple but can improve the biological connection between the couple. Seemingly naughty behavior in the bedroom introduces not only novelty, but heightens excitement.
The forbidden ... is a SERIOUS turn on for many. Fantasy takes you deep into another character and frees you from the restriction of “real life.” You can pretend and play real live adult make believe.
We can't ignore this either ... Good Sex, Good Health! Good Health, Good Sex!
Identifying medical conditions such as low blood count (anemia), high blood pressure (hypertension), abnormal sugar control (diabetes), thyroid disease, mood issues (depression and anxiety), will greatly benefit one’s sexual health. It is a two-way street: better health = better sex and vice versa! Undergo a comprehensive medical check-up. A thorough history, physical exam, review of medications and complete battery of blood work to check hormones may be helpful. Sometimes medications are the cause of a fizzled sexual life. Other times, low testosterone may be the culprit for a low mojo.
Ignoring chronic medical problems will not make them disappear. Nourish your body with a well-balanced diet full of fresh fruits, veggies, lean proteins and good fats, such as extra virgin olive oil. A Mediterranean or cardioprotective diet is ideal. Limit your alcohol intake and quit smoking and/or illegal drugs. Even legalized marijuana may impact your sex life. Weight control, and regular exercise that focuses on cardiac health, weight and strength training all can add to your sexual self-esteem. The benefits of cardio far reach the gym: increased stamina in the gym will be translated into the bedroom. Physical and mental stress is a sexual buzzkill and a sexual drain! Meditation, mindfulness, yoga, paced breathing exercises are all highly effective stress reducers.
As we approach and celebrate July 4th, plan your own set of colorful, bright, loud and sassy firework shows. Celebrate your own sexual independence! Create your own sexual fireworks.